Finding Identity


Lately I have been struggling with the concept of Identity…do we rely solely on the vague labels we are provided? I have a hard time defining myself in that way: am I a writer? Or a photographer? Or a singer? If I don’t do something professionally or really even in public can I consider myself that “thing”? And what about the labels other people decide for us? Many people know that I am a mother now, but is that all I am now? I don’t think so. Am I the things I enjoy doing? Am I a woman simply because my genitals tell me I am? Or is there something more to that term…woman. Is everything about me dictated to me by someone else or have I decided who I am?

As I have been thinking about this…on and off for a couple of weeks…these are the ideas I have come up with:

Of course, having a child, I identify strongly with my new role as mother; a role I very much enjoy playing. But I know it is only one facet of my existence and my identity. I am a woman and as the role of woman and the ideals about women change I will tell you what that means to me…I love the traditional and romantic definitions of women: elegant, gentle, beautiful, etc. Being a mother, wearing dresses and makeup…I guess, really, conforming to the societal standards of beauty and femininity, but I am well aware that this definition doesn’t work for every woman…it is just what being a woman means to me.

But being a woman…gender…is not my whole identity; there are facets of my identiy that I don’t consider being a part of being a woman (and I know many people disagree with this, and that is awesome, but that isn’t who I am).

And what about my many interests? I would define myself as a singer, a photographer, a writer, a costumer, a mermaid, a reader…the list goes on…but would other people define me as such? And who is more reliable? My interpritation of my “self” or what other people tell me I am?

This will end as a fairly open ended blog post…Mainly I just wanted to ponder the ideas of identity, and what it means to me and to all of you! And don’t worry…this will start becoming more of a fun blog to read, hopefully full of plenty of photos for all of you to enjoy!


XO Lapin.


A New Year, A New Lapin

I know I am nearly a month late, but, as my first blog post, as well as a pivotal moment in my life, I want to share my New Years Resolutions with you! I know no one is reading…YET!…but through sharing these resolutions, changes, goals my hope is to create a certain accountability for them and for myself. So here they are!

#1 Get Home: All my life I had never felt “at home.” Moving as much as I did in my childhood the concept of stability and “home” never really existed as a true reality to me. I thought that home was less of a physical reality, a place, as it was an imaginary concept. Not only did I feel as if I never had a place to call “home” I had no sense of who I was or where I came from…it wasn’t until I moved from the place I spent my teens and early young adulthood (Northern California, that is) to the Mile High City of Denver, Colorado 1500 miles away that I realized that California had helped shape me, for better or for worse and the friends and family that formed my California community was my home…and now I know that is where we belong. Now it is my goal to get back.

#2 Write Frequently: This blog will certainly help with this, but I have also begun the journey of creating a world of my own and telling the stories of the people within that world. I am excited to continue…

#3 Take More Pictures: Again, I am hoping the blog can be an outlet for my love of photography!

#4 Create More Beauty: As I continue on my personal journey I see the (certainly constant and innately human) destruction and pain and hurt throughout the world, within my own life and without. I believe, to my core, that certain people were given the ability to create beauty through their talents and creativities to, essentially, keep the rest of the world from ultimate hopelessness.

#5 Find my…MY Job!: I had a great learning experience over the summer, and, certainly, many jobs are taken simply to support yourself and your family…”it’s just a job”…that has been my experience so far since graduating college. Now, though my biggest responsibility is that of mother, I do crave a job where people will hear my VOICE; where I have power, creativity, thought, INCLUSION…where I will be a part of a team…a family. I want to be an integral part of a company…where my existence matters.

#6 PLAY More!: Having an active little boy and living where we do…what I frequently refer to as “postcard land”…I would love to take advantage and enjoy the stunning landscape and get outside and PLAY!

#7 Discover new places to share my most Favorite talent…one most people do not get to see very often: SINGING!

#8 Concentrate on all of the things that make my life BEAUTIFUL. I can be a real Debbie Downer sometimes…it is a real thing that I face every day…some days it turns into a despair that so clouds my perception that all I can see is a sort of nothingness instead of all of the wonderful life I am blessed with living.

#9 Wear More Dresses: I know this may seem silly, but dresses make me feel…simply beautiful, and who doesn’t want to feel beautiful?

#10 My last one is a cliche, for sure, but something very important to me, just the same: GET FIT! I believe it will not only help my depression, but, after having Jackson (a more than rough pregnancy that I will share with you later) I never want to feel as helpless as I have lately…I want to feel strong again…not only physically, but emotionally.

Anyway, Willkommen to my blog!!